September 20, 2013

• fog

  You get the most phantasmal optical illusions on foggy nights. I mean, I already imagine I see all kinds of things that are not there when I drive at night…but in the fog, there are a thousand more tiny moving things that are not there, and in every diffused shadow, there are all kinds of figures slouching or slinking…..

  Despite all my other faults, I hope that it will never be said that I lack imagination. Even if I am imagining things common to all people of my temperament.

  …I lost what else I was going to say. Drat.
  But no worries. I’ve thought of something else.

  Been considering my favourite songs again lately. Or rather, the tones of songs I am drawn to–so many of them have this grandiose feeling. A soaring feeling…a feeling of something big and irrepressible…
  Now, I like a lot of songs that aren’t that way…but the ones I listen to over and over? They are those ones.

  I suppose I wouldn’t be considering it if it weren’t for two things:
  One, I have been listening more to some music from the bands I agreed to go see with her next month, and with her preferred style being dream-pop…I don’t know. I like some songs that sound that way, but the thing that really pulls me in is missing…it’s hard to try and sample someone else’s preferred style. Not just hers. I feel that way when I try to listen to what Jester likes, too. Although there the problem is primarily that he likes so many different things…I can’t find it in me to like so many different things.

  Not that I am only interested in one thing…but…really…Goth-styled music is much more diverse than I would have ever guessed. I used to think it was a type of metal. Black metal, maybe. My mistake. I think that’s what I was trying to find when I started listening to things like Slechtvalk and Mirador…but I really wasn’t looking for Viking death metal or…whatever Mirador was.
  But, lucky me, Goth style seems to span every genre in some way…metal to alternative to rock to…folk.

  That is the second thing, I guess: my constant seeking after new ways to experience this ineffable feeling that the songs I most enjoy so strongly augment. It is a peculiar one that I still can’t determine the source of–is it all in my mind? There is a particular song that I have doubts about. When I listen to it and am really listening to a particular part of the song, my face gets this cold, tingly sensation. Still. And I have been enjoying this song for several years now.
  I have read that anticipation of a particular part of a song can trigger the release of endorphins (which would explain why I get so grumpy when people interrupt songs I really like :P), but is that what causes the cold sensation? Why only that particular song? It’s strange to me. But I am content to not know.

  I just wonder if it’s something that others feel when they listen to their music, since I cannot fathom it with those ones which feel so alien to me.

  Ah well.

  • 4:29 am
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