April 18, 2013
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*sigh*
It's all very unfair.
(I said, in the kind of voice I might also use to say things such as "The world is round," or "Cats say 'meow' ".)Listening is difficult, and particularly when every word is a word I myself could have said six years ago and did not because I couldn't bear to think that way.
Come now, if I truly believed it was nonsense to keep after someone who didn't really make an effort to call or text or write (wow, remember writing letters? actual letters, like, that came in the mailbox?) or email or any of that, do you think you would have had that last three hours to talk unceasingly to me? No. Because I would have given up and you would not know me to talk to.It does reassure me to hear you say it about people who really aren't worth it. Don't get me wrong...but I feel a little guilty in agreeing with you that you are doing the right thing, since my current self was sculpted quite heavily by a chisel shaped like that kind of situation. I couldn't let it go, and I still can't sometimes. I think I can stand it and I think I stopped caring, and in fact I am at times repulsed by it...but ultimately, I still will sit for these three hour conversations and listen to your voice and feel that same pain in my chest that I felt before because I cared so much and there was nothing I could do.
Listening is difficult: I said that already.
Loving is terrible.
