April 1, 2013
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Something's not good, but I can't figure out what it is. More than one thing, maybe. That's usually the way of it. I've felt alright though. (Have I? I think that might be a lie.)
*pause*
Maybe not. Maybe I knew. I mean, usually I do. But it's like being convinced that you've broken a bone, but when you touch around to try and figure out where it's hurt, there's no place that stands out. It's all of it. But that can't be right, can it?
I'm saying it wrong. It's nothing like a broken bone. It doesn't hurt that bad.
Just...you know...the things like how incredibly difficult it's gotten for me to read. Not that I can't do it, but it takes me so long anymore to get through a few pages. I have never been a slow reader, but now I can't seem to process things anymore. And the fact that I haven't actually been hungry in almost a month? I eat because I'm in the habit of it...and not like...excessive eating. Just any eating. I don't want to do it. I'm not hungry. I've been getting occasional stabbing pains, but they feel more like intestine pains than stomach pains...so probably not an ulcer, right? They aren't consistent, so I don't know if I'm being paranoid when I wonder if something is wrong with me...... (At least we can take comfort in knowing I'm still good at being paranoid.)
I don't think I'm alright, but I can't pinpoint anything besides that being wrong.
The only upsetting thing that's happened lately is something I don't know how to process properly. I had an idea that is waiting on Tuesday to see my next week's schedule, but I don't know. (Lies.)
